I meant to write this post yesterday… Life happened.
It’s been a while.
Many things going on right now, trying to keep up a good fight
It’s amazing though how small things can swing from bad to good to bad so rapidly.
I spent the day in a good mood for the most part. Excited that some test scores were positive and very motivating. Which lead to enjoying some music. Which lead to enjoying some memories.
The day was extremely productive and even though I was worn out, I was still in a really good mood.
I found support in the oddest of places.
Until I realized that I still didn’t have the support were I wanted it most. Which lead to a swing.
Now sitting and thinking on it… it really reminds me of a conversation I had recently about wants and needs.
I’ve come to realize that while it would have been a good thing and a major step in the right direction for that want to be true along with many others, the reality is it is just a want.
I am stronger, deserve better and well I don’t need it. I’ve just been holding on via thin threads of hope day after day, hour after hour, minute into anguishing minute of every year this has gone on that maybe somehow some miracle would happen. That in the end the end I could say I toughed it out and it was worth it.
That I did everything I could do and it came out just fine.
Reality is very different.
So as it was put on me last night that it is unfair to hinge my happiness on someone else… that’s fine…
Just remember that when you see me smiling and happy and you realize it’s without you.
Because I’ve offered, and stayed, prayed, and delayed, now you have made it clear that in your indecision you have a decision.
Just remember, in the end when the question is asked…
This is that defining moment in time and space and like Ray instead of clearing your mind, you choose. Only it’s not the StayPuft Marshmallow man. It won’t be that fluffy and it won’t be a fast burning explosion. It won’t be that quick.
If you continue your commitment to your choice nor will it end happily either.
~Static Magick~Static Magick
aka Soulbound Heart