I continue to fight with Depression and Axiety. Still having good days and really rough ones.
It amazes me though how when you are traveling through your struggles you earnestly find out so much truth about your world. Who knows what real friendship is, who are really your friends, who truly cares, etc.
Caring for someone who suffers from depression, anxiet, bipolar, manic any of those real aweful mood altering conditions; is tough but actually simple. 1) just be there 2) acknowledge 3) support them where you can and just be a sounding board where you feel you have no options of support
Those three things can change the moment from negative to positive for a sufferer with out much cost to the person supplying the help.
Faking it though tends to cause wedges, and drive all sorts of horrible events into play. I knew someone in my life was just an aquantence but I cared for them as I would a friend. I allowed myself every now and then to get comfortable with the idea they might actually be a friend, however that haunting suspecion of “well… they do XYZ to everyone else in their life, my time will come” always stayed layered in my mind. This week I just received one more prime example of their silly outlook on life. The sad thing is people like this often forget how important you were or are to them or were. They often forget that when they were in the dark you got to see their darkest moments, fears, and “sins”. Ultimately these people are weak. They have no strength beyond enough to care for their own selfish desires and needs and are incapable of growing past this. A true tragedy of human life if you ask me.
I say this because, even in my darkest hour I know, I will rebound and I will see light and happiness again. It is the way the pendulum of life swings. Though in the case of a human being in this curmudgeon trap, there is no end to their self loathing and selfish world. They will miss out on the true joys of love, family, friends, and happiness. The only taste will be from those who devalue themselves enough to cling onto them and try to save them. Not realising there is no hope for the curmudgeoned lost soul. Redemtion will only come when they sacrafice themselves for love or joy of another and for them to understand this concept would be on the order of winning a lottery jackpot under tragic circumstances.
So while I sit here and type this post, I feel for my whatever they are. I feel pitty mostly. I feel sorrow.
For at least I know there is hope for me. All I can do is pray that the great architecht (which like most of their type this person does not believe in) will reach into their heart and show them true light. (even if it is painful for them, for sometimes no pain – no gain)
On other fronts, I hit a new low last weekend. One in which I was ready to quit, quit life, quit everything. I was burned out at fighting. I felt like there was no support for me. I felt like those who should be right there by my side were not helping me fight, and hadn’t been helping me fight for a long time. So many things came to a head. Though like all miracles of this beautiful universe there are equal and opposite powers at play. As I hit this new low and things ignited, it forced a new reality amongst those I was so angry and disapointed with beyond just me. They united and stood in front of me and confronted me, not with anger, not with venom, but with sorrow and love. What could have been a horrible event turned into one of healing because as I was at my weakest and most damaged breaking point, others found strength to step up and help confront the negative forces of depression and anxiety.
It was not a pretty or pleasant event. Not one I would like to really converse about in deep detail. I only post about it so that others who suffer from the trials of this affliction can know; you are not alone. Not even at your worse level, someone out there has been there, and someone out there does care.
Besides never let the bastards have the satisfaction of not having to put up with anymore; someone has got to fill your role in agravating the crap out of those who do not like you 🙂 No one can do you like you.
May peace feel your soul, and healing bind your wounds,
-Static MagickStatic Magick
aka Soulbound Heart