It’s funny how things work.
You think a path is clear, that you might have the strength to endure.
Then something happens and the cards fall down.
I thought for several hours last night that if I just stuck to this plan that came to me that everything would magically be ok.
That this was what I needed to hear and I was good.
Then a simple act of selfishness trashed it all. I realized that no matter how hard I work, no matter how hard I try, or how much I forgive and turn away; it’s not going to get better.
Not without someone deciding they are going to help or removing themselves from the equation.
I cannot continue to lie to myself and say things will turn around when one person has no desire to make that happen.
I deserve better.
My angles deserve better.
Maybe that was the real lesson I needed to learn. That unlike those I have been able to write off in my life with ease for a lot less. Maybe it’s time I really consider it here; because not a single sign of turn around has been made in years and yet I can write others out of my life for single conversations or action.
Is not the failure to act just as devastating?
At least I can say I haven’t failed and I have tried. I have extended my energy, time, and resources beyond their limits.
I realized I am not in need of a Miracle.
aka Soulbound Heart